The Fear

I’ve been away for so long, and I want to put a single post about the fear I just conquered last month.

Have you ever love someone so bad that you’re afraid you can’t go back? You can’t go back to your life before. You can’t go back to the days when you don’t need that person to just carry on. You’ve given yourself completely that when your heart is being turned down you won’t be able to recover. You might lost yourself.

You won’t be able to open yourself to someone new, even when that someone might be able to heal you.

Love is like a maze. It’s full of mysteries left unsolved. It’s kind of tough, and no one said you can really make it. You might get stuck while you’re trying to but it’s fun while it last.

Love is like a maze. It’s hard and frustrating, because it only takes a single mistake for you to get lost. When you’re lost, no one is going to help you and that’s the worst case.

Love is like a maze. When you’re in the middle there’s nothing else you can do but to carry on and find your way out. You can trace your steps back to see where you were wrong and then restart everything all over again, but when it’s too late, it’s no use.

And bad news is, we’ve gone too far. Too far that we can’t go back.

— This is an entry in my Journal on April 16th 2012.  This  is a make up for my long hiatus ;>

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY DUCUN! Here’s to a real friendship, Yao Ming face and fun itself.

So Much Win!

Just another day at Teksound, discussing about our alma jacket …

Oh Ducun, why.

They’re random, they’re cute, they’re majorly boys (DUH) and like you won’t have a day with them spent like without you having a laugh that cracks your butt, like seriously! I love them and that’s why I’m dedicating my sophomore year for them, Teksound. Also good to know that we can still see each other in another year, so here comes the fun cooker.

And gosh it’s barely a holiday but I’m treating myself as if it’s summertime already. Later on Mid-Exam I’d be like “OH GOD WHY,” But HA! As what they say, “Boaaam…”

Everyone’s saying “BOAM,” these days and now I can see just why.

Speaking of holidays, I just need more and more. Like in school days I woke up every morning with my body in tense and stressed and I can’t live like that. Somedays I just rushed and worked and I didn’t feel like already missing out a week of circling. And there goes my scores. Haaa-haaa do I want to become jobless or what. Someone please make me a physic whiz in a night ;_;

YAA not that kind of a whiz…

Anyways, break news! My dad is sooo giving me his old Blackberry since he got a new one (Boo00…) But only until I gave my room a make over like I need to get rid of piles and piles of school shits like the old paperworks and stuffs, turns out of all the papers I keep in my room, almost 2/3 of them were junk. Gee, no wonder my room’s a mess. Thanks dad for encouraging me to clean up my room! Now if you generously hand me the Blackberry please? Finally, after a year. Thaaaat’s right

 P.S. Going to have a studying spin-off with my buds, wish me luck!

Happy Cakeday Happy People!

Well my search is over!

Even forever alone is cheering for me!

I’m in an extremely good mood (Pfffft coming from the girl whose last post was galav) Here’s the thing … For weeks I’ve been searching for a cardigan, and simply the right cardigan. But none has really satisfy my silly taste :/ one too short, too long, too holey, too tight, too gay, too Granma-ish and stuffs. They might sound retarded but  just with the right tone, it’s definitely not.

And today I (finally) FOUND IT! Thank you mom for your eyes on this teehee. Loving the color indigo and now can’t wait to wear it to school. (Duhh *rolling eyes*) Well of course! It’s because my class’ aircon is sometimes a bitch. One moment the fan is toooo strong and a moment later she (Oh its a “she” now… *nods*) practically put a troll face and gives us a bloody free sauna, but even when it’s cold, it’s just too hot to wear a jacket!!!! (First world problems) SO that is why this girl this stoked for just getting a new cardigan.

Anyways these 2 days are the birthdays of the 2 people I love, G andd PDL! Wuwuwuwu happy birthday! Be sure to blow the candles right!  

That’s a cake for each one of you, teeheehee

Soooo like anyways, to G: Happy birthdayy dufus! Here’s to another year being my adorkable brother. And PDL: I wish you’ll find the true meaning of soul mate. LOL JOOOOOOKE I wish you a life full of cheers and laughter and may you won’t ever get enough of me :p. Oh and also, will you kindly and humbly please grow shorter for like an inch so that we’d be the exact same height, thanks.

Here’s to birthdays and blowing candles! Gee time sure does flies :/  I’m also turning 17 soon, and I probably still look like an 8th grader and remain petite (coughcoughSHORTcough). And speaking of birthdays, here’s a hint of my birthday present, any books of the Gossip Girl series will work. Except the first book: Gossip Girl, All I want is everything, aaand Nobody does it better. (DUH As if anyone would give me one)

So that’s that. Remind me again to go watch some movies, having D sleeping over at my crib, and eat less before I get down to my studying mode. (Back in middle school I would say “HA! NERDS!” But now … *sobs*) And I hope everyone enjoy their UAS holidays!

Later skater!

P.S. I got G a birthday present of our photo together in which is dominated by me,  NATURALLY

What-ifs and Sugar-talks

I’m in the need to just pour what’s in my head, so I can breathe again, because something just caught my breath and also my heart beats wildly, causing my body to work in an irregular way and my tummy feels like spinning.

So I’m in a vague state of being, I don’t feel well. I skipped school today because mom told me to (I got a pretty bad case of coughing and it’s not getting well anytime soon) I spend the day in my bed going out just to do prayers and eat. I simply had nothing to do, and my head was kind of blank.

I stared at things with empty eyes while up in my head everything’s goin banana. What just happened? Last night he said we need more space and so we decided to cut all the sugar-talking by phone. It’s kinda cute that when I told D she’s kinda pissed off, well she demanded a reason, and it had better be good.

While of all people, I should know his reasons. And still, while I fully respect his decision, our  decision, I was attacked by some bits of unsure thoughts. Some unimportant What-ifs were afloat in my mind. What if this is it? What if he had enough? What if there isn’t gonna be a next time? And so and so and so.

No wonder I was like super galav, this is my current playlist, see how many plays it had. DUH!

We were very close for sometime last year. And it went off just like that. We were probably bored since we were heading no where. As if we are right now. But I can sense something different this time. I’m not putting any details now, but they say if you’re in love more when he’s around than when you’re alone thinking about him, then it’s not daydreaming, it’s love.

SO I think it’s no matter of discussion anymore how I feel about this someone. The question is, how am I supposed to keep up with whatever he calls this? What if everything already fade away by the time we’re ready? (duh, another what-ifs) It’s always a misfortune for the girl, because a guy probably won’t worry much about sissy stuffs like this, do they?

When your heart’s on fire, you must realize, smoke gets in your eyes

I always know we’d end up together anyways. Just like last year when I thought it’s really over, but it’s not.  And if we’re to separate now, then let me speak to him through my prayers. Let me reach him trough God.

P.S. If you read this, don’t ask me anything about it, sincerely a proud girl.

Legendary February Vol. II

JUST SOME BIG NEWS FROM THE GIRL WITH THE BIG HEART, yes it’s now official, she said yes, and the world’s suddenly a slightly better place <3

LOVE is in the air; and it’s not disappearing someway soon!

Remember D’s last post about February? There goes our hopes and expectations on the sweet month of 29 days. And D’s luck served her right! Big hugs on her new thing with R<3 (I write names in initials now, pretty much got it from Gossip Girl lol) Go venture the sweet world of loving while it lasts! Good God, they belong together.

I would deliciously love to talk about them, but then it’s yet a story to be told Thanks by the way God, thank you for this February. Thank you for giving me reasons to smile everyday and to literally crave for someone. Life feels good these days and the universe is like saying yes to every path I take! Huzzah!

P.S. This big news came on to me just 5 minutes before I left Jakarta. That sweet little lass!

Wristwatch!

I found this wicked cool band on my flight to Perth, just read it out loud, it’s: Hungry Kids of Hungary!

It’s been a while since I found myself a buttkicking good new music. A slight hint on their (still) only album ESCAPADE. 

Some good tracks:

• Wristwatch (ME GUSTA)
• You Ain’t Always There
• China Will Wait

If you liked Vampire Weekend and Two Door Cinema Club YOU’LL HEART THIS!