Intimacy

I’m dying to meet you but at the same time I was actually hoping if you would just stay wherever you are and don’t come near me. I’m almost used to having the fear of being pushed away by you whenever we talk or interact out of the concern of being too intimate. And there’s a limit for a person to endure that kind of fear.

What is intimacy anyway? The amount of skins you’ve touched or stand close too? Or as Mae Darling said:

the person always in the back on your mind, no matter how distracted you are?

The day after being invited to a lovely dinner with some lovely people, Let’s just say a friend of mine just crossed the line by (without anyone asking) bluntly stated her opinion on our whole situation. She mentioned all the possibilities that he might ended with someone else if you don’t declare your feelings and all that. And that’s rude. Because damn right I do worry about them all the time and I don’t need more people to be telling me that! But you know what, I chose to want this, with all the flaws, the risk, the imperfections (because impurities and atom defects right? #materials #pffftt #nerd) 

To love is to love, I don’t think claiming that a person belongs to another person would help you reassure who ends up with who, so what’s the point? Some of you might even think, “oh come on now, nobody’s that innocent,” sure, we may not be, but love is. Love is innocent. It is a pure and uncorrupted joy to live for.

Admit it, we do have great chemistry (and history) (I’m talking school subjects now). Heckwe’ve known each other for more than a quarter of our lives! We’re partly exclusive but in the end there’s no other name to call it than he’s my friend, and us is the kind of friendship (or anything-ship basically) that lasts.

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My love, (for) Mac DeMarco

 

“This one kind of mixes the scenes from the first two songs, where there’s somebody out there, and you really want to love her and you think you’d really like her. It’s that feeling where, “Maybe you’ve got something else going on, but if you came with me, I’d be able to make you real happy.” It’s that naivete or whatever, that arrogance, [that comes with] the excitement part of having a crush on somebody. It’s the fantasy and the imagination — the initial feelings that come before things kind of get f*** up. Your heart starts pounding, you’re all excited, and you get all these ideas and all these notions. But most of the time, it’s not really going to work that way. But it doesn’t matter at that point because it doesn’t matter because your heart’s beating so fast. Nothing else matters. You’ve got to be right about this,”

⎯Mac DeMarco.

 Beautiful man. Lately I’ve been hooked with each and every single of Mackey’s song, all four album of it! Ever had love at the first sight? You just met him but you feel like you’ve known each other for a long time and the universe has kept him away from you until now. That’s exactly how I feel (I DON’T CARE HOW SAPPY IT SOUNDS).

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Some people were born with warm hands or cold hands so I start to imagine how your hands would feel like. Are they warm? Are they cold? Are they sweaty? Are they big? (compared to mine, most definitely) Are they still as soft as I remember? Or did they get crooked from all the field works you’ve done?  Will they still play the piano? Will they still write me love letters? Will your fingers fit the space between mine? Would you hold my hands so I don’t get lost?

We met a sea-turtle!

I think I’ve develop  new love for animals other than cats: (hell it’s not gonna be ROACHES) Sea-turtle!

DSCN6309friendly AF sea-turtle be like “bitch GTFO,”

AND ALSO A NEW HOBBY I’M SO DAMN PROUD OF: Swimming! (/freediving)

DSCN6504DSCN6335It ain’t legit until you take underwater selfies. Dat gracious lips.

SUP NERDS

While you were shitting around in front of your textbook for finals, (YES IT’S FINALS WEEK) WE went to Derawan on May 14th on a long weekend! I actually had to choose between going to Derawan or Lombok with my cousins on the same period (first  world problem). Even though I just went to Gili Trawangan and a bit of Lombok last year, it was the paradise that you won’t mind going for the 567834567th time 😥 but then I thought, this might be our last family holiday before Gilang is leaving to Kyoto for college, so why not.

A week prior to our trip, Ayah and I climbed Mt. Papandayan. Bunda came along initially but decided she would rather go home before we even reach 1/8 of the track, so there’s that. Ayah was doing surprisingly fine given the age, well he used to hike when he was in college, so there’s also that. By that moment it was my 2nd time going there, and the scenery was still the same with the brain pictures I took last time I was there, well only now it’s jam packed with people. And by people I mean some of them wear heels. (THIS I AM NOT KIDDING YOU OR WAS I).

20150502_160716Daddie & daughtie time!

In fact, Gilang also went separately with his high school group but we didn’t get to meet because the camp was CROWDED AS HELL (PFFT no hell would be crowder am I right nerds? right? ahaa~ *witty mode: on*)What I couldn’t believe was some MAJOR DOUCHEBAG actually brought a fucking firecracker and lit it WHILE I WAS PEEING IN THE WOODS. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. So yeah it’s been a traumatising experience for me 😦 (LOL NO JK) 

bitches be trippin (read: BEACH TRIPS)

Despite of our first experience of hiking, I can safely say that my family is a beach-type of family since we had big trips to the sea every year (Kepulauan Seribu, Gili Trawangan & Lombok, Derawan).  Bintang is a really kinetic kid like all sports, you name it: karate, cycling, swimming, etc. And he is so good at free-diving! While I had a bit of trouble free-diving because we all know the size of my tummy. I know, I know, I’m basically a whale.

Though that was my first time ever snorkeling with no life jacket and also my first time free-diving. my favourite thing there is that the nature is still so untouched that you get to see wild animals here and there without without actually made the effort to look for them. There we saw:

DSCN6251Jellyfishshshsh! The kind that doesn’t sting, naturally. They say you can only find em here in Maratua lake or in Philippine. Thank GOD we didn’t swim to the center of the lake, we were talking to some locals and found out one of them saw a giant snake underwater like NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE

DSCN6328Lion fish! Now this one stings. Well, poisonous might be the word because it can make an adult passed out by touching the fins like oMG

DSCN6302Clam! It was so big I thought it could eat us

DSCN6368NERRRRMO

DSCN6271Little squidy-squidy~

DSCN6272And guess what: it actually changes colour! 

DSCN6464I still don’t know what is the name of this creature. It looks alienish and it glows. Just like one of Ben 10’s alien.

I consider myself now a sea-turtle magnet because last 3 times in a row I was in the sea, I GET TO MEET ONE! And when we went to Sangalaki island which is a conservatory for baby sea turtles, I managed to put each baby to sleep by rubbing their head gently AREN’T THEY JUST THE CUTEST THING ON EARTH I JUST NGAFHAEHNAEYGCYAW

Anyways, before we go to Derawan we stopped by our cousin’s house and her hubby who works at Total joined us for lunch. They go out since college days, both graduated from UGM, same batch. (in fact cousin-in-law was the president of  HMTG FT-UGM back then). They still live a beautiful 6 years of married life and no kids to ruin everything yet. And I gotta say I legitimately envy them. (And also, he reminds me of someone I know) SO THERE.

Back home I got really TANNED like you can literally see the line between the lighter and darker area in my face, but I guess it’s gotta be something to brag on. (Again, HOW?) 

Also special thanks goes to Mr. Adit who generously allowed me to take the Ceramics Materials exam in advance.

To end this post I’m gonna put the short video I made as a tribute for the sea turtle I met while waiting around Ayah and my brothers from Jumu’at prayers:

DSCN6469Ciao!

Video

Coffee

I’d rather stay inside than being out tonight
Just sipping coffee and nothing to look forward to
Savouring my solitude
And no one will ever know you the way I do

 

In high definition I’m dreaming of you
With my disposition I’m losing my cool
With my everything I’d give anything to be with you

 

And I will try my best to let it subside
I’m letting go without taking any part of
Something what my heart truly wants
And no one will ever see you the way my eyes do

 

Disclaimer: well I definitely do not own any of this *DUH*

but it does convey every inch of what I’m feeling, though. So there it is :>

Zia‘s (click!) the one who introduced me to this nice tune,

like every other songs she recommended me,

(the girl got some taste!)

Coffee by Yuna the inspiring hijabi singer-songwriter from Malaysia.

“Women are consumed with the idea of finding a gentleman not because we wish to revive gender roles or maintain the classic ideas we have about masculinity, but because we want someone with good character and automatically associate that with gender.”

- Shelby Strickland -

“We don’t want to destroy all of you menfolk, but those darn meninists are onto us. We may never admit it but we’ll miss you, our big strong pickle jar openers,”

College Humor, everyone.