Intimacy

I’m dying to meet you but at the same time I was actually hoping if you would just stay wherever you are and don’t come near me. I’m almost used to having the fear of being pushed away by you whenever we talk or interact out of the concern of being too intimate. And there’s a limit for a person to endure that kind of fear.

What is intimacy anyway? The amount of skins you’ve touched or stand close too? Or as Mae Darling said:

the person always in the back on your mind, no matter how distracted you are?

The day after being invited to a lovely dinner with some lovely people, Let’s just say a friend of mine just crossed the line by (without anyone asking) bluntly stated her opinion on our whole situation. She mentioned all the possibilities that he might ended with someone else if you don’t declare your feelings and all that. And that’s rude. Because damn right I do worry about them all the time and I don’t need more people to be telling me that! But you know what, I chose to want this, with all the flaws, the risk, the imperfections (because impurities and atom defects right? #materials #pffftt #nerd) 

To love is to love, I don’t think claiming that a person belongs to another person would help you reassure who ends up with who, so what’s the point? Some of you might even think, “oh come on now, nobody’s that innocent,” sure, we may not be, but love is. Love is innocent. It is a pure and uncorrupted joy to live for.

Admit it, we do have great chemistry (and history) (I’m talking school subjects now). Heck, we’ve known each other for more than a quarter of our lives! We’re partly exclusive but in the end there’s no other name to call it than he’s my friend, and us is the kind of friendship (or anything-ship basically) that lasts.

My love, (for) Mac DeMarco

 

“This one kind of mixes the scenes from the first two songs, where there’s somebody out there, and you really want to love her and you think you’d really like her. It’s that feeling where, “Maybe you’ve got something else going on, but if you came with me, I’d be able to make you real happy.” It’s that naivete or whatever, that arrogance, [that comes with] the excitement part of having a crush on somebody. It’s the fantasy and the imagination — the initial feelings that come before things kind of get f*** up. Your heart starts pounding, you’re all excited, and you get all these ideas and all these notions. But most of the time, it’s not really going to work that way. But it doesn’t matter at that point because it doesn’t matter because your heart’s beating so fast. Nothing else matters. You’ve got to be right about this,”

⎯Mac DeMarco.

 Beautiful man. Lately I’ve been hooked with each and every single of Mackey’s song, all four album of it! Ever had love at the first sight? You just met him but you feel like you’ve known each other for a long time and the universe has kept him away from you until now. That’s exactly how I feel (I DON’T CARE HOW SAPPY IT SOUNDS).

Rate this:

Some people were born with warm hands or cold hands so I start to imagine how your hands would feel like. Are they warm? Are they cold? Are they sweaty? Are they big? (compared to mine, most definitely) Are they still as soft as I remember? Or did they get crooked from all the field works you’ve done?  Will they still play the piano? Will they still write me love letters? Will your fingers fit the space between mine? Would you hold my hands so I don’t get lost?

Lebaran Covers

New sounds are here! Alright Alright Alright!

I covered this song pretty much just an hour before Ayah & Bunda’s anniversary dinner, they’ve been married for 21 years can you imagine that! (DUH what’s with me and exclamation marks now)  AYAH is the one responsible for this since he played either Santana or his Slow Rock music folder during our mudik trip. Those were fun times, though! Maaan, I am so lucky to have a place to call hometown 😀

I’ve seen some friends who turns out to be absolutely outstanding in their SoundCloud’s (well compared to my lame homemade tracks that is)  

MAN I’VE GOT TO STEP UP MY GAME

😡

P.S. Today, I’m going back to Bandung with such mentality that’s as fragile as a bubble frosts. WELL WELL WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT (no one’s pfffftt). 

Ramadhan blues

Ramadhan is here!

(I don’t care if it’s the last day of Ramadhan IT STILL COUNTS).

Maan, so much for the summer break. Oh summer break, what summer break. At least last semester ended pretty nicely. About campus life, let’s just say I took more than what my mouth could take :x. On the upper side which is academic life (oh you didn’t know I was academic ambitious? Pffftt, shame on ye) hoo-hoo-hoo I got such a life achievement where I totally rocked Thermodynamics of Materials (Alhamdulillah……..) and got the honour of receiving the highest score in class of 70-something. Can you believe that, because honestly I was at a point where I literally avoided the lecturer in case he mistook my score with someone else’s (now I owe him a thanks I guess).

Buut, because of I fail Physical Chemistry last year, yeah I got the D, wait THERE’S A REALLY IMPORTANT MEME I HAD TO PUT

The Office’s my jam!

ANYWAYS, well I because failed Physical Chemistry, (which doesn’t make any sense because it’s basically the same thing as thermo-_-) I had to take the short semester which actually I had to be thankful because the lecturer’s waaaaaay better than the previous one. And, to make holiday even shorter, we’re caught in drafting (and executing) osjur but I might want to stop telling you just right there, HA HA. :p

So basically I got a 14 days LONG of holiday and luckily well I did get to meet him once, though I was pretty upset because this is probably as much as I’m going to meet him til God knows when and we didn’t even had the chance to romance (HAHAHAHA I KNOW I KNOW). Well that and also because I got distracted when I was being offered Mie Aceh in the middle of the day, I mean I love you and all but come on, it’s free food (pffffffttt). I do appreciate his effort to talk to me first, something that I’m somehow too embarrassed to do (oooo tsundere detected).

Making the most off of staying at home period to cook and clean the house because my former embak got knocked up by her (now husband) boyfriend. Well that’s another story, because she’s always been such a little sister to me (did you hear THAT? SHE’S 18 FOR GOD’S SAKE). Now I realised, sex ed is highly needed for women at whatever age, so they know what are their action (or their boyfriend’s) doing to their body. This topic has been in my mind a lot quite recently, partly influenced by my favourite women writer, Nawal el Saadawi.  I’ve always wanted to read her books since high school, and now I somehow find myself with two copies of them thanks to someone. (Yeah, I know I suck at delivering thank you’s, sorry). Those are:

 

Happiness:) more writing on that later, okay!

But thanks to not having my embak around (how is it thanks again?) Bunda decided to take 3 days off in advance and just takes care of the house and she taught me how to cook and stuffs and I was still amazed by the fact that even though she’s working (and she works hard, believe me), she is still a kick ass mom. I’m not even sure if I can pull that one off. Well that just give career-women more respect!

Aside from those (those being other housewifey stuffs), I finally found the time to take SoundCloud more seriously, check out some of the sounds that I make!

Well back to the present, today’s still counts as Ramadhan. I didn’t achieve much, sadly, but at least this year’s improvement was that my tarawih prayers attendance in mosque is better than last year’s HAHA, so there’s that….

There’s not much that I can say though, maybe there’s regret that I didn’t make the most out of the holy month, or because my mind is not free enough due to the tons of responsibility waiting for me prematurely before next semester starts. But still, tomorrow’s gotta be a special day to spend with your family (soon to be family LOL), and loved ones.

So take down your gadgets for a day, and spend some quality time with your family, nerds!

Taqabbalallaahu minna wa minkum, taqabbal Yaa Kariiiim. Happy Iedl Fitr to all people reading this, no matter who you are, everybody deserves to be happy on Eid Day! 😀

 

We met a sea-turtle!

I think I’ve develop  new love for animals other than cats: (hell it’s not gonna be ROACHES) Sea-turtle!

friendly AF sea-turtle be like “bitch GTFO,”

AND ALSO A NEW HOBBY I’M SO DAMN PROUD OF: Swimming! (/freediving)

It ain’t legit until you take underwater selfies. Dat gracious lips.

SUP NERDS

While you were shitting around in front of your textbook for finals, (YES IT’S FINALS WEEK) WE went to Derawan on May 14th on a long weekend! I actually had to choose between going to Derawan or Lombok with my cousins on the same period (first  world problem). Even though I just went to Gili Trawangan and a bit of Lombok last year, it was the paradise that you won’t mind going for the 567834567th time 😥 but then I thought, this might be our last family holiday before Gilang is leaving to Kyoto for college, so why not.

A week prior to our trip, Ayah and I climbed Mt. Papandayan. Bunda came along initially but decided she would rather go home before we even reach 1/8 of the track, so there’s that. Ayah was doing surprisingly fine given the age, well he used to hike when he was in college, so there’s also that. By that moment it was my 2nd time going there, and the scenery was still the same with the brain pictures I took last time I was there, well only now it’s jam packed with people. And by people I mean some of them wear heels. (THIS I AM NOT KIDDING YOU OR WAS I).

Daddie & daughtie time!

In fact, Gilang also went separately with his high school group but we didn’t get to meet because the camp was CROWDED AS HELL (PFFT no hell would be crowder am I right nerds? right? ahaa~ *witty mode: on*). What I couldn’t believe was some MAJOR DOUCHEBAG actually brought a fucking firecracker and lit it WHILE I WAS PEEING IN THE WOODS. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. So yeah it’s been a traumatising experience for me 😦 (LOL NO JK) 

bitches be trippin (read: BEACH TRIPS)

Despite of our first experience of hiking, I can safely say that my family is a beach-type of family since we had big trips to the sea every year (Kepulauan Seribu, Gili Trawangan & Lombok, Derawan).  Bintang is a really kinetic kid like all sports, you name it: karate, cycling, swimming, etc. And he is so good at free-diving! While I had a bit of trouble free-diving because we all know the size of my tummy. I know, I know, I’m basically a whale.

Though that was my first time ever snorkeling with no life jacket and also my first time free-diving. my favourite thing there is that the nature is still so untouched that you get to see wild animals here and there without without actually made the effort to look for them. There we saw:

Jellyfishshshsh! The kind that doesn’t sting, naturally. They say you can only find em here in Maratua lake or in Philippine. Thank GOD we didn’t swim to the center of the lake, we were talking to some locals and found out one of them saw a giant snake underwater like NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE

Lion fish! Now this one stings. Well, poisonous might be the word because it can make an adult passed out by touching the fins like oMG

Clam! It was so big I thought it could eat us

NERRRRMO

Little squidy-squidy~

And guess what: it actually changes colour! 

I still don’t know what is the name of this creature. It looks alienish and it glows. Just like one of Ben 10’s alien.

I consider myself now a sea-turtle magnet because last 3 times in a row I was in the sea, I GET TO MEET ONE! And when we went to Sangalaki island which is a conservatory for baby sea turtles, I managed to put each baby to sleep by rubbing their head gently AREN’T THEY JUST THE CUTEST THING ON EARTH I JUST NGAFHAEHNAEYGCYAW

Anyways, before we go to Derawan we stopped by our cousin’s house and her hubby who works at Total joined us for lunch. They go out since college days, both graduated from UGM, same batch. (in fact cousin-in-law was the president of  HMTG FT-UGM back then). They still live a beautiful 6 years of married life and no kids to ruin everything yet. And I gotta say I legitimately envy them. (And also, he reminds me of someone I know) SO THERE.

Back home I got really TANNED like you can literally see the line between the lighter and darker area in my face, but I guess it’s gotta be something to brag on. (Again, HOW?) 

Also special thanks goes to Mr. Adit who generously allowed me to take the Ceramics Materials exam in advance.

To end this post I’m gonna put the short video I made as a tribute for the sea turtle I met while waiting around Ayah and my brothers from Jumu’at prayers:

Ciao!